It isn’t unusual for people going through a divorce to experience periods where they feel somewhat helpless. It’s a legal process that most people don’t have much familiarity with if they haven’t been through it before.
It’s important, however, that if you are facing the divorce process, you need to hold onto your power – even if yours is likely to be a high-conflict divorce. That can lead to poor decision-making and failure to assert your rights under the law. In addition to getting sound legal guidance as early as possible, there are things you can do that will help empower you. Even simple, small wins can build your confidence and minimize anxiety and stress.
Limit direct contact with your soon-to-be ex
Unless you’re co-parenting (and even if you are), you likely don’t have to spend extended time alone with your spouse outside of legal meetings and proceedings or talk with them on the phone. Texts, emails and co-parenting apps can help keep conversations brief and focused and help you set boundaries.
Remain consistent in your tone and behavior
Most high-conflict divorces involve at least one spouse whose behavior varies drastically – sometimes from one minute to the next. They may be charming when they want something and antagonistic and vengeful when they don’t get it. It’s easy to mirror those swings. However, by remaining as calm, firm and consistent as possible, you minimize their power to manipulate the situation and wear you down.
Build a solid support system
It may help to find a therapist if you don’t already have one – preferably one with experience helping people navigate the emotional minefield of divorce. Having a “ride-or-die” group of friends (even a couple) can help you maintain your self-esteem and lessen self-doubt.
Additionally, by having an experienced legal professional on your side, you can more effectively seek the property division, support and other agreements that you need to transition to the next phase of your life on solid footing.
